Pretty Perfect Lies

I trusted you,

Past tense.

You don’t deserve me anymore.

I cared about you,

Past tense.

I learned how your mind works. 

I idolized you,

Past tense.

Even the great (you) have their short comings.

I placed you,

Past tense.

I placed you so far ahead of everyone and everything else in my life.

I love you,

Present tense.

No matter how hard I try,

I can’t erase the essence of your memory.

We’re waiting in the wings

Behind the shadows

On the weight

Of each others’ existence

Before we realize we were born for greatness.

It’s probably because we’re drunk and I’m hopelessly intoxicated, hypnotized by the fluidity of your body and amazed how gently your hands seem to hold the earth in orbit, but I want to stay up late and smell like summer with you. I want to dig through your past and unearth each others’ secrets under a canopy of stars. Most of all, I want to learn how to love you. There’s no one else I would rather be so wonderfully insignificant with.

You’re saying you belong under my defenses

I’m shaving my skin

You’re climbing in

Residing behind my eyeballs

Wedging your vicious thoughts 

Anchor and boulder

Pounding my fragile brain

Sinking my self-esteem 

Like the great Titanic

You’re taking over me

I’ve never been more frightened.

My liver, my bloodstream 

S  l  o  w  l  y

Morphing 

Becoming this hideous being

You’re taking over me.

Once I knew there was life outside of our relationship,

Life beyond you 

And your stifling brick walls of expectation

I decided it was time for me

To become my own person,

Better,

Without you.

I opened my book to a different chapter,

A different time,

A new story

Without you.

Except my pen wouldn’t work,

The paper wouldn’t catch the ink,

The words wouldn’t come.

You robbed my creativity

Held all ideas of life outside of you 

Captive

Until I had to admit

I need you

I crawled back into your arms

Into captivity.

I never wanted you to help me write my story.

The breath of dusk frames your face. Your star struck, beautiful face. You gaze upon the bright moon, wondering how you got to this point. How did you come so far from where you were? Everything is falling to pieces all around you. Who is going to bother to pick up the fragments?

You listen to the lullaby of frenzied serenity around you as you rest your tired frame on the balcony of your apartment. Who would care if you jumped, right here, right now? No one. You contemplate it seriously. Feel your legs buckling under the pressure of your every day life. Heart pounding. Eyes blurring with tears. Lungs struggling to find oxygen. Oops. Your foot slipped. 

Is this really what you wanted?